Walking Away
I was 23 years old, sitting in a chair across from three men who were there to judge whether I was worthy. My heart was racing, and a deep heaviness of anxiety sat in the middle of my chest. They were asking me questions that felt deeply personal and invasive. Part of me wanted to play along, tell them what they wanted to hear, take the punishment, and move on, because I knew that doing otherwise meant losing everything. But there was another part of me, one with a much stronger voice, telling me to run. It was now or never. Run to freedom.
All these years later I can so clearly see the expression on their faces when mid-conversation I set my bible down next to me on the chair, stood up, and said “I’m out. I don’t want to be a Jehovah’s Witness any longer.”
Then I turned and walked out the door.
That might have been one of the longest walks in my life. The realization of what I had just done was sinking in, and I was petrified. I had just walked the plank into an ocean of the unknown.
Leaving the Jehovah’s Witnesses at 23 cost me nearly everyone I knew. It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made, but looking back nearly four decades later, I realize it also taught me three lessons that shaped the rest of my life:
- You can rebuild your life at any time.
- You should question your assumptions.
- Freedom is more valuable than most people realize.
Before I share those lessons, I need to explain why I walked away and what it cost me.
Why I Left the Jehovah’s Witnesses
Growing up, nearly every aspect of my life had been governed by the Jehovah’s Witnesses. I was told what books I could read, what movies I could watch, who I could spend time with, and even what medical decisions I could make.
Sports, school dances, and college were strongly discouraged because we were expected to devote our free time to the preaching work before Armageddon arrived.
What others in the religion called “protection” felt like a prison to me.
I had questions I wanted to pursue but was not allowed to ask. There were books I wanted to read but wasn’t permitted to.
But the biggest motivator to leave was my son. I wanted him to have choices. To play sports if he wanted. To date who he wanted. To simply be a normal kid living a normal life.
I wanted him to have freedom. To ensure his freedom, I had to first break out and embrace mine.
The Cost of Leaving Jehovah’s Witnesses
Like most JW children, I was encouraged to build friendships almost exclusively within the religion. The JW social network was all I knew for twenty-three years.
Without that lens, the world felt like stepping into a foreign country where I didn’t understand the language or culture.
And suddenly, I was alone.
The moment they made the announcement from the Kingdom Hall Platform almost everyone I knew began the shunning process, including two of my three siblings. My entire social network gone with a single sentence.
That is scary enough, but add to that, I’m 23 years old and a single parent. My social network was my support, and now it was gone. My parents continued to have contact with me; limited, but still they were in my life and that was of help.
For the longest time I dreaded going anywhere, grocery shopping, the park, to a restaurant, because if I ran into any JWs they would turn and walk the other way to avoid me. It was heartbreaking to see someone who I once called my best friend that would pretend I didn’t exist and avoid me.
That first year was brutal. And lonely.
But what I gained was worth the cost.
What I Gained After Leaving
That first year I also began to recognize the value of my freedom; to be friends with whoever I wanted to be. I could explore the questions I had always carried. I could read the books I had once been afraid to open. I could visit other churches, study other religions, and learn about cultures and ideas that had previously been off-limits.
For the first time, I was beginning to see a much bigger view of the world, of culture, of people.
I enrolled in college. I felt like I was very behind, being older than most of the other students. But I had started a journey, one that I was becoming very excited about.
My son and I celebrated every holiday and his birthday for the first time. I was experiencing these traditions as an adult, and they felt beautiful.
The greatest gift of leaving, however, took several more years to arrive. It was letting go of fear.
The fear of dying dying in Armageddon. It’s a fear drilled into you every week, at every bible study. The fear that if you step wrong, you will be pushed out of the JWs and will die when Armageddon comes. I had nightmares about it as a kid, and those had continued into my young adult years.
But once I was free to explore history, science, religion, and ancient cultures, I slowly realized that the JWs were wrong about so many things that science had already proven. They did not possess all the answers they claimed to have; they did not have “the truth”.
And one day, without being able to pinpoint exactly when it happened, I realized I was no longer afraid.
Living without fear – that was the greatest win!
The Path to Forgiveness
I had a lot of anger at first. Anger at my parents for raising me in this cult. Anger at my brothers and friends for turning their backs on me. Anger for all the years and opportunities I had lost growing up.
But as I invested in my new life, that anger gradually softened into compassion. I felt sorry for those still “in”, sad knowing the fear they live with day to day. I realized that for most of them, their shunning of me is not what they want to do – but they do it out of fear themselves. And I wanted for them what I had finally found: freedom and happiness.
I forgave them.
I still have no contact with any of them, and that’s ok. Forgiveness was never about restoring those relationships. It was about letting go of my anger.
Building a New Life After Leaving
Today my life looks very different. To be honest, I’m still sad to have missed out on what could have been great memories like holidays and school activities. But I’m no longer mad. It just “is” – and now I have a greater appreciation for what I have today.
I finished my bachelor’s degree.
I built a career I loved.
I married a wonderful man and together we raised a family that now includes five grandchildren! We just celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary.
My son played every sport he wanted in high school, fell in love and married who he wanted, and is free to live his life without fear.
My daughter and granddaughters are all encouraged to invest in themselves and pursue their dreams.
And our home is filled with family and friends every holiday season.
Three Lessons Leaving the Jehovah’s Witnesses Taught Me
Lesson 1: You Can Rebuild Your Life at Any Time
You are one decision away from an entirely different life.
I lived it, and I can tell you that rebuilding is possible.
Most people do not realize how much of their life is built on momentum. We follow the path we started years ago because it feels safer to continue than to stop and question it. We stay in relationships, careers, communities, and beliefs because changing them feels too painful, too impossible.
For me, leaving meant losing nearly everyone I had ever known.
It meant starting over emotionally, socially, and spiritually. For a while, it was devastating.
But buried underneath all of that loss was something unexpected: Freedom.
For the first time I was not trapped on a predetermined path. I could choose differently, and that realization changed everything.
We often think our lives are fixed because we’ve invested years into them. But none of that is permanent. You can decide that the life you are living no longer fits who you are becoming.
Will it be painful sometimes? Absolutely.
Leaving my old life forced me to build a new one from scratch, and while I would never romanticize the pain of that process, I am grateful for what it taught me.
Sometimes the amazing life waiting for you is just on the other side of one terrifying decision.
Lesson 2: Question your assumptions
Not just occasionally. Constantly.
We all carry assumptions that were handed to us long before we were old enough to examine them. They come from parents, religion, culture, and community. When those beliefs are repeated often enough, they feel like facts.
I didn’t realize how many assumptions I was carrying until my entire worldview began to unravel.
Because I believed I already had the truth, I had stopped looking outside of it.
That may be one of the most dangerous things certainty can do to a person: it convinces you there is nothing left to learn.
What shocked me after leaving was discovering how much I had never been allowed to see. There was overwhelming scientific evidence I had never studied. Entire histories of civilizations I knew nothing about.
For the first time in my life, I realized that billions of people throughout history had believed with complete sincerity that they, too, had all the answers. They did not.
And that is the lesson I carry with me now: assumptions should not be feared or hidden from. They should be examined.
Not every assumption we hold is wrong. But if we never question them, we may never know whether our beliefs are built on truth, fear, habit, or simply repetition.
Lesson 3: People underestimate the value of freedom.
It may be one of the most valuable things we possess, and yet many people do not fully appreciate it.
For years, I didn’t feel truly free.
From the outside, my life may have looked normal. I went through my daily routines and participated in a community. But internally, I often felt like I was living inside a prison built from rules, fear, and control.
I didn’t feel free to fully be myself.
I didn’t feel free to explore ideas openly.
Even relationships were controlled.
Over time, that kind of control changes you. You begin monitoring your thoughts. You silence parts of yourself. You stop exploring. You shrink your world to fit inside invisible boundaries.
And eventually, you stop realizing the cage is there because it has become normal.
That is why freedom matters so much.
Freedom is the ability to think your own thoughts. To ask questions without fear. To choose your own beliefs. To become the person you truly are instead of the person others demand you be.
But freedom can quietly disappear anytime fear, control, shame, or rigid systems begin dictating how we are allowed to think and live. That is why I don’t take it for granted.
Looking back, I understand now that the young woman who stood up, set down her Bible, and walked out that door wasn’t walking away from something.
She was walking toward something.
Toward a life she would build herself.
A life filled with education, travel, holidays, grandchildren, meaningful friendships, and the freedom to keep learning and growing.
That long walk into the unknown ultimately led me to the life I have today.
And if I had to do it all over again, I would take every step.